please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
