someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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