I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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