He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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