I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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