How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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