Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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