I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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