Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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