Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
