so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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