This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
