thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
