It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
