I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just want nice things and good sex
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize