tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
