i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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