he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
