I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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