When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
