I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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