get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
