she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
