Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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