As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
