I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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