You're completely useless in the revolution.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
