dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
