we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
