Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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