Where are you?
In a non slutty way
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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