Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
