Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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