And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
whose parrot is this?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
