Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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