So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How does it feel to date your dad?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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