I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize