That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize