I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
