I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
