You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
