there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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