somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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