so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you didnt know i had herpes?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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