and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
