haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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