Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
