I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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