I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
