everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I lost the right to judge tonight
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
