Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I look better un-naked...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
