bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
