I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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