there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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