Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
